I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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