4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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