we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This girl is more easily done than said...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
