Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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