i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
