Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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