I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
