Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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