Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
