and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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