I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
