This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
