I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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