This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
