can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
