it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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