i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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