I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
