Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh god the rape fog is back!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im holly from the hills drunk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize