My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
