i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
