i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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