i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
