Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
