Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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