Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
