i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
how does that bad decision feel?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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