The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
