the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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