You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
false alarm, still single
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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