and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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