How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
