I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
