hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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