there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
