I want you more than these girls want KFC
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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