Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
