I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm at about main and main street
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
