the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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