I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
