I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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