1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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