Pants 0. Shit 1.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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