After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
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We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
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He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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