so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
