I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
