Can Purell be used as lube?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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