Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
