I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
