Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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