Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
