the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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