No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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