All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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