I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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