I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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