Have you finally orgasmed yet?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
