He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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