i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
