I want to stick my p in your. b.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
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