I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
